The Askhole
Why I no longer repeat myself to people who don’t listen.
There’s a certain type of person we all meet.
They ask for your advice.
They listen just long enough to pretend they care.
Then they ignore everything you said
and do the exact opposite.
This person has a name.
The Askhole.
Askhole (noun):
someone who repeatedly asks for advice
and then intentionally does the opposite.
Not accidentally.
Not because they misunderstood.
Not because life got in the way.
No.
They seek out guidance,
then reject it
as if defiance equals independence.
It’s not confusion.
It’s performance.
They don’t want clarity.
They want attention.
How an askhole conversation goes
Them:
“What do you think I should do?”
You give actual thought.
You problem-solve.
You offer perspective.
They respond with:
“Hmm… yeah. I think I’m gonna do the opposite.”
Of course you are.
You were never seeking advice.
You were seeking validation for a decision you already made.
And when you don’t validate it?
They shop around
until someone tells them what they want to hear.
They don’t want insight.
They want permission.
Here’s the pattern
They ask for help.
You invest time and energy.
They ignore it.
They return later with the same problem.
Repeat.
You’re not in a conversation.
You’re in a loop.
Why it’s draining
Because giving advice is not the exhausting part.
Caring is.
We care.
We try.
We put effort into thinking.
And an askhole takes that effort
as disposable.
They treat your mental energy
like a free topping.
The uncomfortable truth
They’re not actually stuck.
They’re attached to their problem.
The problem gives them:
attention
storyline
identity
Solving it would remove the emotional payoff.
How to exit the loop
Stop giving advice.
Not out of pettiness.
Out of preservation.
Next time they ask:
“What do you think I should do?”
Say:
“You already know what you’re going to do.”
Because they do.
They always do.
They wanted a witness,
not wisdom.
Don’t waste logic on someone who’s committed to chaos.
I write for people who think, not for people who need permission.
Yes, these people can be so frustrating. But I know I did my best to help. The rest is up to them now. It's their life and no one else can live it for them, right? Frustrating? Yes. A lost cause? No. They are trying to figure it out too. I just love them anyway and let go for them to learn as they need to anyway.
Thank you for sharing! I enjoyed this very much! :)